My worst blogging habbit: writing and posting on different days

(Written Wednesday night) I was having such a hard time saying goodbye to my grandfather tonight that I must have fixed the machine on his legs at least five times.  I wanted them to be perfect for him, not too tight that they do the opposite of what they are supposed to and not too loose that they wouldn’t do their job at all.  The man was given a miracle in a successful surgery with no complications to date, but he has also had quite the time lately.  He hasn’t had food in almost two weeks and only a little for the weeks prior.  He is in a ton of pain and every time he falls asleep a new person is in to speak to him.  He is having a hard time with the huge incision and the ostomy bag.  All that said, he is still smiling in the midst of looks of pure frustration:)  I hope that  I would have the same strength to fight, endure, and not give up.  We almost lost him once before and I am sure with his health history that this will not be his last battle, but I know God will give him the strength he needs, come what may.  That’s all we can ask for.  The other night when I asked him what he wanted me to pray for, one of the things he requested was that the cancer would all be gone.  I couldn’t pray that although I certainly wish it with all of my being.  After the year I have had I can honestly say that life is not always easy, but I can also honestly say that God gives us the strength we need to face the giants in our lives.  If we get our minds out of the negative and let go of our fears, we will see that there are plenty of blessings in the midst.  Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

I Know Who’s Got My Back

Yesterday a car ran a red light and almost hit me. Fortunately my eyes and feet were coordinated and my Mother-in-law (the only car behind me) was paying attention. In any case, it was just another example of how God has our back. It might not always be as clear and sometimes we might not feel that way, but I just thought I would share this.

Last week I saw my grandfather in more pain than I have ever seen him in. I also saw him stronger spiritually and emotionally than I have ever seen. It’s going to be a tough fight, but whatever the outcome, I know whose got our back. He’s staying in the hospital until his surgery Thursday. The Doctor is hopeful that with taking out the bladder, prostate, and surrounding lymph nodes he has a fighting chance. I consider myself very close with my grandfather. The first time I saw him I slugged him in his then Santa-like belly. My Mom thought I was going to get it but I won him over with my pre-school charm. He doesn’t have a belly to slug now, but we can debate like the best of them, sending big slugs each others way, our favorite times have been such debates.  At the end of the day, I can still feel him holding onto my hand for dear life. This hasn’t been his first health battle and I pray it is not his last battle.

Now the trick is balancing family, school, my one and only job. That’s right, I hit my peak with three jobs this summer and am now down to one. God knew what He was doing when I put in my resignation early. I love those kids but I can’t fight that battle any more and my family needs all the emotional energy I have. I’ll still be there for Bible studies and other things, but I am learning the need to have boundaries now.

The moral of the story…God is in control and has our back. It can be clear in things like the near accident, but it is just as present in our life decisions and challenges. We just have to open our eyes and look around.

One foot in front of the other

The title sums it up. Since my last post my life has changed drastically. My grandfather was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer while in CA and is finally back home in PA. I’m headed up there on Wednesday to spend some time with him before a major surgery on Thursday. The past few days I feel like my head has been spinning between the normal tasks of school and work and the extra blessings in between. This past weekend I took a few of my youth to DC for a mission trip and God did some incredible things. I look forward to sharing some more later, but for now it is crunch time getting school work in before hitting the road Wednesday after class.