The songs of Daniel and Jack

Today James talked about living a song that speaks to others about what matters to you and about being watchful.  It made me think about two men that died this week and I wanted to write about the songs that I will remember them for.   It is getting later than I wanted on Sunday night and I have to be in Roanoke by 7:30 am so more on this soon…

Daniel died Tuesday in a car accident.  He was a man in his late 20’s who welcomed Ryan and I to our last church with open arms.  There weren’t a lot of 20 somethings there and we soon learned that he didn’t really have a place in the church.  He tagged along with the older adults and while there is nothing wrong with that, we felt blessed to be a blessing upon our arrival and saying goodbye to him was one of the hardest parts of leaving that church.  Daniel had a kind and gentle nature.  He had done drugs in his younger years and that left him unable to live, work, or drive independently.  His grandmother took very good care of him but everyone needs companionship.  Ryan and I always wished we could spend more time with Daniel but we enjoyed having him in Ryan’s Sunday School class, sitting with him at meals and meetings and sometimes at worship services.

What I will remember most about Daniel is how open he was.  He was an open book and one of the nicest people I have ever met.  If I was working on mailings during a meeting he would come sit with me and help stuff envelopes.  If I looked down or sick he was one of the first to notice and bring a smile to my face.  Ryan taught the college and career class and Daniel would often be his only student. They would sit and talk about the lesson, life, and sometimes Daniel would bring his guitar and play for Ryan and that was always wonderful to hear as I came up the stairs from the youth area.

The youth had the opportunity to embrace Daniel and to learn from him.  One Wednesday night the youth and I were headed out to a worship event at a local church as Daniel was headed in for the evening activities.  I invited him to go with us and he glowed the rest of the night.  The youth got to know him better and we all had a great time.  There was a lot of laughter on the bus on the ride home.  Daniel was glowing that night.  He thanked me for “letting” him come with.  I only wish he had come more.  I saw him talking with the youth more in my last few months there.  That warmed my heart and I will always be grateful he came with us that night and that they embraced him.

Daniel’s life was far too short and I pray that he is at peace.  I believe that he is and I am so thankful that our paths crossed if only for a time.  Thank you Daniel for living your song and for being such a wonderful presence in the life of the church, community, and in our hearts.

Jack, a member of Saint James for about five years, was one of the first people to really welcome me at Saint James.  Whereas a lot of people had their weekly duties and wanted to catch up with old friends, I had to find my own place in the community on Sundays.  A lot of time that was at Jack’s table where he told me stories about being an engineer, his family, and asked me about my life and what was going on at the church.

During this past year my grandfather became ill and died and in many ways Jack reminded me of my grandfather and being around him on Sundays somehow made me feel better about not being with my grandfather as often as I would like.  It was hard to see them both go downhill so fast and to see cancer take them both within a month of each other.

The thing that I will always remember about Jack is his smile and his reliance on God and prayer.  He smiled the last time I saw him, two days before he died. He was confused a lot of the time in his last days and he slept most of the time, but in my last few visits he would reach out his hand to pray and was always so grateful.  I hope I never forget the look of absolute peace on his face the last day I saw him.  He looked like an angel really.  He had that peace because he had worked through that which troubled him in his last days and he knew where he was going.  I hope to seek out that peace within myself and with others each and every day.

Thank you Daniel and Jack for sharing your songs with me.  You were treasured church family.  May God bless you and keep you.

A Good Cat

This past week was pretty crazy at church and with life in general so please excuse my pause in my blogging about Rome.  I wanted to take a moment to talk about my cat though.  On Saturday my husband and I took him to the vet for the last time.  We had hoped that he would just close his eyes on his own but that was not to be.  I have never been there when my other childhood pets were taken to the vet for the last time.  I didn’t even find out that my childhood dog had died until I came back from college the week after.  But this was the last pet of my childhood and the last pet my parents plan to have for a while.  This time Ryan and I decided we could handle this for them.

Nikki was always there for me.  He was a cat who never meowed (he had this horrible complaining sounding meow if you could call it that) and he lived behind the furnace for the first year we had him.  When we got him he didn’t know how to purr and he was afraid of men but over time he kept his old ways but also learned to have a strong purr and to tolerate the men in our lives.  Once you were in his good graces he was loving and gentle.  He was there to greet me when I came home and he would grumble at me at bedtime and as far as I could tell, would stay with me all night, mostly watching me to make sure I was okay I guess.

It was rare to see him actually sleeping so when he started to sleep more and lost a lot of weight (and he was a fairly small cat to begin with) we knew it was only a matter of time.  I’m the one who made the final call and I felt like taking away the pain was the only gift I could give him for always being there for me and I knew it couldn’t let him die alone.  On Saturday Ryan and I picked him up and took him for his last ride.  He hated the car but didn’t have the energy to fight it or even complain.  The vet was very gentle and told us it was the right thing.  As Nikki slowly laid his head down into my hand I said goodbye to a last little piece of my childhood and my innocence.  That afternoon we buried Nikki with my other cat (who passed a little over a year ago but we had cremated and just never felt like it was the right time to burry).  Burying them together felt right and I was very grateful that my husband had the patience to dig that hole and be there with me until the end of that journey Saturday.

I know I am not the only one who has made this decision or mourned a beloved pet so I thought that I would welcome you in to my journey.  For those of you who grieve, please know that it is okay to grieve (even for a pet).  They are our faithful companions and they place their trust in us.  Their lives are shorter and often more fragile than ours, but it is worth it for years of love and friendship.  Thank you for endulging me, grace to your life.

Stay tuned for the rest of our week in Rome

In the meantime, you can check out our pictures from the trip at ryananderika.shutterfly.com.  What beautiful cities.

Travelling Day: Goodbye London, Hello Rome

I could sum it up like this: We traveled. We slept. But I won’t.

We were sad to leave London but excited about Rome. This was the only plane ride of the trip that had a connection and I was praying all went well as we only had 45 minutes once we hit the ground in Munich to catch the flight for Rome. It was so good to be in Germany for a few minutes though, I almost wish it was a longer lay over. I was born in Berlin and my family did two tours there in my early years. The sound of German and going through customs there were a teaser for what we hope to be our next trip. I was happy to be on the plane again though and that much closer to a city I had only dreamed of visiting.

We hit the ground in Rome and after almost being scammed into buying metro tickets from a man for nearly 6 times what they were worth, we got on the express train and had a glimpse of the beautiful countryside outside Rome. That said, after getting off that first train, we were less than impressed with our first taste of Rome’s metro, bus system, and taxis (which we eventually had to take since the directions I had were not as detailed as I thought and no one we asked seemed to know English and we certainly didn’t know much Italian). But we were in for a treat when we finally arrived at the hotel. I got this deal in a huge last minute price cut and site sale at Expedia and we got this four star for less than a third of what it was worth and while it was outside the city center, we loved having the shuttle bus so we didn’t have to rely on taxis that made us fear for our lives (we only took three, one two and from the pharmacy, more on that later, and one to the airport to go back home).

We ate food at the bar when we got to the hotel and decided to lay down for a nap only to wake up the next day. Apparently we needed to catch up on our sleep and maybe leaving the day after Ryan’s graduation and without a pause to breathe from the craziness of May was not the best plan but we still fit in everything we wanted and later found that we could take in Rome at a much more leisurely pace. It was hard to know it would probably be some time before we get to go back to London but we were excited about the next four days of exploring Rome before flying out Thursday.

Dashing through the last of the must sees

We woke up early and headed out to pack as much as possible into our last day. We started out the day at John Wesley’s chapel, home, and museum. I did not grow up Methodist so it was interesting to get to know the founder of the church where I know serve. We had a great tour guide and they were very hands on so I even got to stand in his pulpit. I felt honored and empowered during this tour. It was a very beautiful part of the city and very tastefully done. I definitely have a better appreciation for the man and his place in history though I have always had a respect based on what I do know of him (yes, reading books/sermons by and about him are on my list).

Then we went to the Tate Britain (on par with the National Gallery) and then over to the Victoria and Albert Museum and finally to the British Museum (thank God it was open late). It was a whirlwind tour of all three museums but I wouldn’t have missed any. Seeing more amazing art and artifacts as well as hands on exhibits was definitely the way to round out of trip. I hope to make it back to see other exhibits at each and to catch other things we missed and would have liked to fit in.

We ended the night by eating at the second restaurant of the trip (an Italian place of all things given we were headed to Italy the next day. The life saver in terms of food in London were these places called Tessco Express, like healthy 7-11’s. They had a large selection of pre-made but fresh sandwiches, fresh fruit and other things like cheese and crackers which were a staple of the trip for me. We ate very cheaple in London but everything else except our lodging (thank you Paul!) was very expensive given the exchange rate.

Side note and all (to Ryan a paragraph on food is far more than a side note), we were very pleased with our trip to London and would jump at the opportunity to go back to visit. That night we went out with Paul to get the London pub experience. I thought it a fitting end to the day we started off by touring John Wesley’s chapel (he had a pub ministry at one point). Early Saturday morning we took the sad taxi ride to the airport (we left too early to use the tube but it was the only taxi ride we took in London so what can you do).

Family ties accross the pond

Crunch time, only two days left in the city.  After we left a little later than we hoped (we slept like babies the whole trip), we headed to the Tate Modern (an art museum with our nephews name in it).  We saw the Southwark Cathedral on our way and walked around the London Bridge area.  It was my first time at a modern art museum and I must say I have a little difficulty with some of it but I can appreciate that others get it and that it has found its place in the world.  Then we walked across a bridge to take one last look at Saint Paul’s before walking to our friend Paul’s favorite London musical, Blood Brothers.  It was great seeing a show rich in London humor and accents and I was surprised by the morals to be found in it.  Bottom line: no lie is a good lie.

Then we headed off to a highlight of our trip, getting to meet our nephew’s cousin and his family.  Ryan’s sister’s husband’s brother is stationed in London and just had a baby three months ago.  It was great to know Ted and Serena more because we have never really gotten a chance to talk to them at family gatherings and it took flying across the pond to get to know them more.  I had more dog time, got to hold their precious son, and got to both have and be a taste of home (Ryan and I really are homebodies if you haven’t noticed the trend).

We went on a grocery store adventure after that to see how many of our favorite items could be found in the store (not many from my standard list back home) and had a scoop of Ben and Jerry’s each (my favorite).  Ryan still can’t get the songs from the musical out of his head and I still can’t believe I forgot to take pictures with the baby (I guess we were both in the moment).  We went home knowing we would only have one more day left and I was especially not ready to leave.

I’m Getting Back to the Heart of Worship

On Wednesday we slept in.  It was the first time in months and while we felt guilty “wasting” time in London, we needed it.  The last few weeks and months have been crazy and draining, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.  We enjoyed the quiet of the house with everyone at work and the sound of the city from our room.  We watched their take on US politics and ate a nice lunch on the patio.

We finally got going and headed to Saint Paul’s Cathedral for an Evensong (almost nightly worship).  It was one of the most amazing worship experiences of my life.  Psalm 23 has always been very meaning to me since my great-grandmother passed during its reading.  The evenings worship was centered around Psalm 23 and for the first time since my grandfather’s illness, other than during the eulogy at my grandfather’s funeral (what a bad time to cry), I cried crocodile tears.  They were quiet and we were in the back, but the beautiful readings, singing, and setting were enough to make me feel at peace enough to cry.  I believe that it takes strength to cry and being in tune with our emotions.  I was finally at the place where I could cry for my grandfather, for how terribly wrong things went at the last church and for losing those kids when I left, for multiple family situations, for two crazy first years of grad school and marriage, and so much more.  That night I was able to give it to God and push aside that which had help me back from doing so.  In that beautiful cathedral I was able to connect with God.  It wasn’t just the mosaics or the arches or stained glass, the woodwork or the robes the clergy wore, it was something else.  I knew I needed this trip but I didn’t know just how much or why now until that moment.

After leaving Saint Paul’s, Ryan and I walked around the city and talked for a while.  The plan for the night was to watch the big football (soccer) tournament and we both wanted some time to decompress.  When we got home the party was roaring, they had tons of food waiting for us, and the game had just started.  We had a blast watching how heated the guys got and it was a great game.  We were so impressed with the sportsmanship in the room afterwards too.  It was a great way to end the night on a light note after feeling like the weight of the world was finally off my shoulders.

The beauty of a city, the beauty of God

On Tuesday we started off the day at what I thought would be my favorite place in London: Westminster Abbey.  It was beautiful, but there were tombs, effigies, and memorial markers everywhere (an understatement if you can believe it).  My grandfather had died the week before so instead of connecting with God’s awesome wonder like I thought, I rushed through the inside.  It was a disappointment but it was beautiful.  Had I been in a different place I might have thought otherwise.  Just as I thought we might have spent our admission fee better elsewhere, we stepped into the small courtyard.  It was so peaceful and we were the only ones there in the center of a grand building.  Then we wondered into the larger courtyard with incredible views of the buildings around it and quaint homes for the clergy and very surrene gardens.  I even got to pet the one Priests dog for a while as I was already missing my dog (who was more than happy at Grammy’s house).  After wondering out after meditating over the tomb of the unkown soldier (beautiful words marking his grave) and lighting a candle for my grandfather and family, we headed back out to discover more of London.

What the cathedral lacked in my kind of beauty (I’ll say it how I think it, I’m an only child so I have an excuse for thinking that way), the National Gallery more than made up for.  Ryan and I were in awe of the beauty captured in paintings of nature, people, and things of the church and its history.  It was an amazing few hours of wondering before we were kicked out (and a whole five minutes before closing!).

That’s okay, it was time to head to the London Eye (a large ferris wheel with pods that give you a 360 view of the city from up high).  It was really beautiful to see the city as it neared sunset. We had already seen a different view of the city from the hill at Greenwich, but we were still amazed with all of the beautiful buildings and gardens and enjoyed having a city native in our pod who was pointing new things out to his friends.

After that we went to Picadillly Circus and the Saint James area and called it a night since much of the city was closed and headed back to Paul’s to make a late dinner and hang out with the housemates.  After a long day with a lot of walking and a little jet lag, there is nothing like some warm British tea and funny British television.

Hit the ground running…

How do you sum up 11 days in two of the greatest cities in Europe? You can’t and I won’t attempt it. What I will do is try to share some of the highlights. At the mention of a good friend from Saint James, I will be writing a blog about each day. Even though I didn’t want to eat into vacation time by doing this, why not afterwards?

So here goes: On Sunday Ryan stayed home from church to finish packing since with everything going on with his graduation and party, my grandfathers death, and my poision ivy (thanks Samson), the only alternative was to pull an all nighter the night before our trip. I think Jesus understands. So, after taking care of what I could for the days I would be gone and a great service, I went back home to make sure things were set and my parents came to take us to the airport. Our little buggy was so confused when we got out of the car without him but we knew he would be more than happy with grammy since my parents house is like Disneyland to him (cats to chase, fewer rules, and tons of toys).

I actually caught a few zzz’s on the plane but Ryan was too excited to sleep. We both got good books to read and I found myself laughing out loud to mine, Marley: The World’s Worst Dog (go figure that is the light reading I would pick). I definitely recommend it. Having been in school for what seems like forever, I forgot how wonderful reading funny/light books can be.

We hit the ground Monday and met our friend Paul (a London native) at London Paddington. We could not believe how clean and high tech the express from the airport was and the tube (metro) was nice too. After getting a shower and changing at his place (we took a red-eye), we headed out to discover London. Paul’s goal was to show us the highlights so that we would get a grasp of the city and then know what we wanted to go back for.

So, we came out of the metro to a spectacular view of Big Ben, saw where the parliament meets, saw Westminster Abbey, saw the changing of the horse guards (got lucky and the tour book said it is cooler than the other changing of the guards), saw some other monuments, grabbed lunch, went to Buckingham Palace, Trafalgar Square, walked through several of the gardens, saw the memorial to Princess Diana, more monuments, Harold’s, went over to Greenwich on an above ground/open air rail, had dinner, then came home to watch tv with his housemates and passed out.

Our eyes grew in size that first day. It was amazing and we began to fall in love with the city for its rich history, architecture, beauty, and more. I couldn’t wait to start again the next day and to finally get to go inside the beautiful churches and great multitude of museums. Stay tuned…

State of the heart

I thought it only appropriate to post the entry I wrote the day we left for Europe before I write the post-trip entry. I didn’t have time to deal with a technical problem that kept me from posting then but I feel like its a good way for me to measure just how much 11 days away can mean and what God did in that time:

I feel like I am living outside myself these past few days. I am so thankful to be in this day though. For months I was just surviving school, my various jobs, commuting between two cities, and feeling like I couldn’t be with my PA family enough. Today I will get on a plane at 5PM and will fly across the big pond. I am not so pretentious to think that this trip will erase all the ups and downs of the past year or two, but it is a stepping stone to a happier and healthier me.

What are my goals for the trip? To reconnect with my husband after two crazy first years of marriage and just enjoy time together. To spend time with our friends and meet new friends. To discover more about God through two great cities—through their people, history, churches, museums, and beautiful sites of nature and man. To start eating healthier and to exercise more (yes, I am one of those weird people who actually eats less on vacation). To center myself and remember what is most important in life.

When I return I look forward to taking it a little easier this summer. I will only work a few hours a week babysitting and will devote most of my time to my family, the church, helping others plan their weddings, and yes, even to myself. I almost always shortchange myself and I want to learn how to get a decent amount of sleep, eat healthier, exercise, and most importantly, spend more time with God.

That said, here is to trusting that God can start working wonders in a few days…to finding peace and healing and experiencing joy in new ways.  More when I return…